[00:00:00] Hello my friends and welcome back to Not Another Mindset Show. I, gosh, I’m kind of struggling today to be honest. This is the fourth, fourth, potentially fifth, oh my goodness, fourth or fifth time that I am restarting this episode. I’ve only ever gotten in by like a few minutes, so wasn’t those one of those situations where I had to stop like midway through.

And it’s not because of the camera. It’s not because of the lights or the microphone. Truly, just because I am having a hard time articulating. Speaking, thinking today, which, which is really honestly a problem because I would like to get through three episodes today and six for this entire week. I know I’ve talked about this before, but I am, I am batch recording these episodes, which is really great.[00:01:00] 

On the weeks that I’m not doing it, because I like, can, can kind of forget about the fact that I’m a podcast host and the episodes just get released. And I’m like, oh right, cool. There’s a new episode today. And then this week comes along where I have six on my to do list. And I’m like, alright, alright, big week, big week amongst, you know, all the other stuff I have to do, but.

It also then makes it a little bit odd, because I feel like I’m sitting down to talk to you for the first time in a while. But the reality is, you may have just listened to the previous episode and jumped right into this one. Um, but in my world, that previous episode happened like six weeks ago. So, it is requiring me, I feel like, to Just like, kind of like, get back in the swing of things.

I feel like by, it’s always a couple episodes in when I do this batch recording that I actually start to feel like, more settled. But. It’s like I’m having to [00:02:00] remember how to sit down in front of a camera and speak again every single time I record these episodes. So I don’t know what’s up with that, but hopefully that just gets better over time.

I mean, this is only episode 15, so give me a break. Um, I have done a lot of podcasting in my life, but I have not done, I’ve actually only done 15 solo episodes in my entire life. So I need to give myself a break here. I was going to say, give me a break, but like, really it’s me. I need to give myself a break.

Um, anyway, what we were talking about today, psychological flexibility. This is a concept that I have talked about sort of in passing. in other episodes. So if it sounds familiar to you, there’s a reason for that. And it kind of finds its way into a lot of different conversations in general, especially when we’re talking about all or nothing thinking, also known as dichotomous thinking.

There’s an entire episode on that, by the way. So if you’re [00:03:00] like, Ooh, I want to talk more about that. There is an episode on all or nothing thinking. So please Please, please, please give that a listen because we’re not going to go into that much detail into all or nothing thinking and the science behind that in this episode specifically.

But talking about flexible thinking or rigid thinking, it requires us to bring up the idea of dichotomous thinking because really the opposite of thinking flexibly is all or nothing thinking. It’s It’s that rigid, dichotomous way of thinking that it’s either this way or that way and there isn’t really any in between, right?

If you’re a health and fitness coach, which I know a lot of you are, it’s a big part of my audience, you see this a lot with your clients. But today we are talking about Flexible thinking for yourself. But also this could be very, very, very much. So applied to your clients. In fact, it could also be applied to like your romantic relationships.

[00:04:00] And as you guys know, maybe you don’t know if this is one of the first episodes that you’re listening to, but as of now. I am single and dating, and it’s been really fun to kind of chat about and bring in some, like, little stories here and there and how what I’m talking about from, like, a psychological perspective, a mindset perspective, which is usually when we’re talking about behavior change in a health and fitness context or just goal pursuit context, but it also translates over into dating pretty seamlessly, so I’m sure we’ll get into a little bit of that today, too.

Um, but yeah, so. Being psychologically flexible essentially means that you are able to stay present into, like, in the moment to moment situations and be able to adapt to challenges in your life. Which, if you’ve been listening to any of the previous episodes, or you’ve just learned from me in general, you’re going to start thinking, Hmm, sounds a lot like a growth mindset, and there’s [00:05:00] definitely going to be some overlap, and we’re going to talk about that.

Um, to give a little bit more of a definition to, I actually pulled a Quote from some researchers in this area. And they said that a healthy person is someone who can manage themselves in the uncertain, unpredictable world around them, where novelty and change are the norm rather than the exception. And I really liked this quote.

And I know they’re using the term healthy person, but they’re saying healthy person in, in terms of psychological flexibility, right? So if you are. Psychologically healthy, you can navigate the world, even though it’s uncertain, even though it’s unpredictable. You can anticipate change and novelty and not feel, like, totally stuck.

In your ways and if, if change comes about, if there’s a, a wrench gets thrown in your system, you don’t like throw everything out the door and don’t know what to do, right? So that’s what we’re kind of talking about with psychological flexibility here. And [00:06:00] there’s a couple different avenues to talk about when we’re, When we’re talking about psychological flexibility, some of that is that all or nothing way of thinking and having a better, just being able to better see the gray, gray area between the black and the white, right?

And see that there are more options than just this one or that one. So we’re going to get into that. And I found online, A blog, there was a mental health blog, see, I’m stumbling over my words already. And this is my fourth take on this episode. Um, I found a blog, a mental health blog, that walked through some, some main bullet points of like what to look for to understand if you are psychologically flexible or psychologically inflexible.

And they had a bunch of different studies cited and I really liked what. the bullet points they pulled out. So what I would like to do is walk through those bullet points, but then I’m going to also add my own little [00:07:00] flair, my own little spin, add my examples to those bullet points. So first we’re going to chat about psychological flexibility, and then we’ll go through the list of components, elements, things that might make it clear that you have a more inflexible approach to thinking.

And I would really like you to think not only about yourself, but And how you respond to things, but also, again, clients, patients, if you are in a career where you have clients or patients. But you can also think about your children, you can think about your, your partners, your, your friendships, your parents, anyone in your life.

And also then how the category that maybe that person or you leans towards, how does that then have like a domino effect to other things in your life? So. Keep those things in mind as you listen and we, we walk through these together. So the first one of [00:08:00] the psychological flexibility category is knowing what to focus on and what to let go of.

Which, man, I feel like that could be its own episode. How to know what to focus on. and when to know to let go of things. See, immediately I’m just like, this is, yeah, we could, we could talk about dating. We could talk about running a business and having team members. Any relationship ever, right? And I actually think, um, That this is something I pride myself in and I’m actually very good at.

And I can do a very, very good job at compartmentalizing and knowing where my energy and my attention really should go. And where it’s, where things are not worth my energy and attention. And without getting too much into like, my mental health history [00:09:00] and my, uh, my upbringing, this was something that it actually used to swing too far in the direction of, I was almost too good at this, right?

Spending too much time In, in this place of, oh, that’s not worth my time and energy, and what that ended up looking like is lacking empathy a lot of times for other people, and just like not being able to wrap my head around the fact why someone would be so upset about something that seems so freaking trivial to me.

And I, it would frustrate me that people were just giving away their time and their, and so much energy. willy nilly to all of these things. And I’m like, these things are not worth your energy, you know? Um, I have since become, we’ll say, psychologically mature. And this was, this was years ago that this was, uh, really, truly an issue that I uncovered for myself in therapy.

And I’ve worked on, you know, A lot. [00:10:00] A lot, a lot. Um, it’s honestly been like one of the main pieces of focus in my therapy adventures over the years. But I do think it’s something that people could really stand to be able to do a little bit better at. Is taking a moment. To get into the present, and this is where the psychological flexibility definition comes in.

Remember, it’s like get in the present, be able to go with the flux and flow of the world and when situations change, etc. So being present. And really thinking to yourself, what is most important for me in this moment? And is this thing that maybe is pulling my energy and my attention in this direction, is that really worth my time and energy?

And getting really objective with it, which we’ll talk about objectivity and how important that is. But that’s something that you can do, and I’m, this is where I would just have you stop and think, like, Are, do [00:11:00] you feel like you’re good at this already? Do you feel like the people in your life that maybe you’ve struggled to connect with, or um, have, had arguments with in the past, or like, was this part of that situation?

Potentially, maybe, probably. Knowing what to focus on and knowing what to let go of. Alright, bullet point number two. Recognizing when our behaviors aren’t helpful and changing them. See, I read some of these and I’m like, man, these are just, like, such heavy hitters. Like, really? Recognizing when our behaviors aren’t helpful and changing them.

Like, can you imagine what the world would be like if more people would just frickin do that? Oh, I’m realizing my behaviors in this moment are actually potentially harming other people or not moving me towards my goals or actually keeping me stuck, so I’m gonna change it. Wow. A revelation, truly. So, if you can do this, though, if you feel like this is something that you’re good at, that is a hallmark of psychological flexibility.[00:12:00] 

So, obviously, obviously, obviously, this is so much easier said than done. But, The more you can work on and the better you can get at recognizing when you, yourself, Hi, I’m the problem. It’s the problem. It’s me. What’s frickin Taylor Swift? Whatever. Like, that’s, that’s this bullet point. I’m the problem. It’s me.

And then actually taking the steps to change it. That Again, hallmark of psychological flexibility. And really, again, just kind of brings you back to that idea of being in the present moment. Because you, if you’re not aware of the behaviors that you’re doing and how they are potentially holding you back, potentially rubbing other people the wrong way, potentially keeping you stuck and sad and anxious or whatever, then you can’t change them.

So you need to be present with them in order to recognize it and then, you know, make some changes. And this is a process, right? And I just would love for you to think to yourself if this is something that you feel like you’re [00:13:00] good at. And if it’s not, that is a, that is an area for improvement. And this is a good thing for you to recognize that.

And now it’s something you can focus on going forward. All right. The next one is seeing when we might be wrong and then changing our perspectives. Again, I really like, I’m just realizing right now, even walking through these with you guys that. If the world was more psychologically flexible, I literally try saying it ten times fast, like, it is truly a tongue twister.

If the world was more psychologically flexible, the world would be a better place. And so many people, especially in the health and fitness industry, oh my gosh, could stand to do better, but instead, it just becomes, This is the way I’ve always thought, sort of like dogmatic approaches to things. So I’m gonna dig my heels in, even if maybe there is clear evidence of this not being the case anymore.

And this also makes me think a lot [00:14:00] about Adam Grant, for those of you who are familiar with him. And his research is a great book called Think Again. And that’s kind of the entire premise of the book is. Being willing to change your mind, especially when you’re presented with new information, different information, and being okay with changing your perspective and your belief systems.

And what’s really unfortunate is that I, I feel like a lot of times in society, people in general go out and bash other people who have changed their philosophies about life, changed the way that they see things, made different decisions than what they said that they wanted to do. In the past. And the reality is, if that person learned something new, they got new information, they better understood something about themselves or just the concept at hand in general, and now they’re seeing things differently and making different decisions and are telling you that their beliefs have shifted, that is, that [00:15:00] is That is like psychological maturity and flexibility at its finest, and we should actually be celebrating that instead of saying, Oh, you said that you used to be this way or that way, and you believed this thing or the other thing, and now you’re saying something totally different.

Like, what’s up with that? And of course, like, we, we do look to people, we want people to be consistent, we like being consistent ourselves. So that can feel a little jarring, but. Especially if that person is coming out and saying like, hey, I’ve learned this about myself or after going through therapy or after spending a lot more time learning about this concept, I’ve actually changed my tune.

Like that is, that is something to be celebrated. And it is a very, very good sign of. psychological flexibility. So when we change our minds based on new information, that, that’s really actually a good thing. And I would love for you to again, think about people in your life and yourself and how often you’re [00:16:00] actually doing that.

The next aspect of psychological flexibility is continuing towards goals despite setbacks. And this is where I was just like, okay, are we talking about psychological flexibility or growth mindset? Because that is a really, really, really, really good question. core component of having a growth mindset is when things get hard, when you run into obstacles, challenges, setbacks, and you say, okay, cool.

This is information. I’m going to keep going and use this information to my advantage rather than like, well, that didn’t work. I guess this isn’t meant for me, which would be more of a fixed mindset. So that was cool for me to see when I was running through this blog and these bullet points too, because it makes me then Without knowing if there’s any research on this, to be honest, off the top of my head, that psychological flexibility and having a growth mindset do play together very well, and I think it makes a lot of sense, right?

So, I don’t know, it’s like [00:17:00] a chicken or the egg phenomenon here, did the growth mindset make you more psychologically flexible, or did the psychological flexibility create more of a growth mindset for you? Doesn’t matter though, because either way, these are very good things to have. Next one. Final one.

Finding creative ways to deal with challenges without compromising your values. I really liked this one because I think in general, always and forever, if you have a set of core values for yourself. Maybe if you’re a business owner for your business, maybe if you’re the head of the family. I mean, you don’t have to be the head of the family.

If you have a family, you could set core values for your family. And when you’re making decisions or trying to better understand things in the world or whatever. work through something you can reflect back on your, your personal values. Or again, if it’s in your business, you can reflect back on [00:18:00] the core values and that can help guide your decision making.

And that can be really helpful from a psychological flexibility perspective as well. So the other half of this statement was getting creative with challenges. And I really, I really liked this one because I, I honestly want to say so much of my success is actually Due to this aspect that being able and it’s, it’s very much also a growth mindset way of thinking to leaning into challenges and almost seeking challenge because you know that if you can Take ahold of that challenge and find a way through it and use creative thinking in order to get to the other side of it, that you’re going to learn so much, you’re going to get better.

Your business is going to better get better. You’re going to make more money. You’re going to have better relationships. You know, I even think like, again, I’m single. How many times can I say that in one episode? I’m single, but in previous [00:19:00] relationships, I actually always very much looked forward to sitting down and having hard conversations.

And I will always be that person. Not to the point where I’m like. looking to cause problems just for the sake of having hard conversations. But I love getting into the nitty gritty with my partner and really trying to better understand what their perspective was, where they were coming from, what we can take from this maybe miscommunication, argument, whatever it was, and leverage that to be better going forward.

And again, that’s why I would sort of want to lean in and like actually enjoy these, these deep, not so fun conversations. Cause I knew on the other side of that was so much good. And that is, that’s on having a growth mindset for sure, but that’s on also having a very flexible way of thinking because you’re willing to get creative with these problems rather than just see the problem as.[00:20:00] 

As a problem and nothing more. Right. So, okay. I’m going to keep going on. You know, it’s so funny. I map this out and I’m like, man, I’m going to blow through this episode in like five minutes. That never, ever, ever happens. Okay. So obviously if everything that I just talked about were hallmarks of psychological flexibility, then the opposite of those things would mean psychological inflexibility, right?

So I’m going to quickly run through, though, bullet points on psychological inflexibility just to really hammer it home. The first one is a refusal to change our behaviors or see what we are doing that is causing our lives to be difficult. Who do you know in your life, or maybe you can call yourself out with this one, that has a hard time accepting that the things that they’re doing, the things that you are doing, are the reason that your life is so difficult.[00:21:00] 

That’s even like kind of hard to say because that is true for so many of us, right? And I’m trying to think of examples and there’s just, there’s truly so many. Like where you are holding yourself back from seeing more success in your business, where you’re holding yourself back from finding the perfect partner, where you’re holding yourself back from having more meaningful connections.

That’s not fun to face, right? But if you’re refusing to see yourself as the person who’s potentially responsible for these difficult things in your life, then I’m sorry to say, my friend, but you may have some psychological inflexibility that needs to be addressed. Because having that flexibility means taking personal responsibility and understanding What role you play in even [00:22:00] maybe the not so great things that have happened to you.

And that’s not me saying that everything is your fault, please don’t twist it that way. But instead, I’m just wondering, just curious, if you were to take a step back and go, what role do I play in My lack of success, my inability to find a soulmate, um, my seemingly inability to develop personal connections that I want.

Whatever. Just take some time to think about that one. Okay, next one. Using Avoidance coping, a. k. a. putting your head in the sand instead of dealing with things. I think we can all be, we can all take some, some fault for this one at some time in our lives, right? Because it’s so much easier, oh my gosh, it’s so much easier to put your head in the sand instead of like having to face it.

This fits very well with the previous bullet [00:23:00] point that we just talked about, but a fixed mindset can definitely lead you to doing this. Ignorance can definitely be bliss. Until it’s been 10 years and you look back and you’re still in the exact same place, no longer very blissful, right? So instead of leaning into the ignorance’s bliss, I’m just gonna stick my head in the sand, I’m just gonna look the other way, it would do you a lot of good to take a look at the situation and see what can be improved, what you can try differently, who you can reach out to.

To what, who you can hire, what program you can do, you know, I’m just, I’m thinking of so, there’s so many resources available and I know not everyone has the same resources available to them. I am, I am understanding of that, but. Again, the world would just be a better place. I really, I really do think so.[00:24:00] 

Um, but this is, again, sign of psychological inflexibility. If you aren’t able and truly refusing to look at these things and Put your head in the sand. Turn the other cheek. Is it turn the other cheek? That’s the phrase, right? Anywho, next bullet point. Overthinking and worrying instead of adapting. This one I have to talk about dating because, um, I’m actually in a group chat with a few of my girlfriends and we’re all single.

So it’s like the single girls group chat, right? And we’re Always trying to get ourselves back into like a regulated state and help other people and the number of times I get the message of like, Casey, can you mindset me, which I love to do, I really do. But there’s a lot of like co regulation and using each other to help like re regulate and like bring ourselves back to like [00:25:00] what is reality.

Um, and there’s definitely. instances of overthinking in that group chat. And when I read this bullet point, it was the first thing that I thought of, and overthinking and worrying about things instead of adapting. And I, I think, and if any of the girls are listening to this, like, they can probably attest that, I really do a pretty good job at helping, helping each person when they’re having, they’re struggling with some of this worrying, overthinking to kind of like bring it back to baseline and see reality for what it is and adapt based on what had just happened, you know, so what can we, what can we learn from this situation, you know, but not just being as casual as that, but having more in depth conversation around, well, what actually happened here?

What do we actually know? What are the facts and how do you feel? about this situation instead of, you know, the constant, does he like me? It’s like, well, do you like how you’re being treated? Do [00:26:00] you like how this situation ended up? Um, and being able to then adapt going forward and take that into the dating world and learn from it and improve from it and feel better about it, not necessarily just get stuck in this like constant overthinking and worrying about the situation and making assumptions for another person too.

And overthinking ultimately, when you think about it, is the opposite of adaptation, right? So you just get stuck in this spiral instead of going, no, let me get out of the spiral. Let me understand the situation, observe it, be objective, get clinical, be the researcher on this situation, and now make adaptations from that.

And move on. Easier said than done. I know, but like, that is the process. It really is. And I think if you practice that, in fact, I know if you practice that, you will become more psychologically flexible, and honestly, you’ll just be frickin happier. [00:27:00] Okay? Okay. Sticking to ideas, even if we don’t know we believe in them.

Isn’t that crazy that we do that sometimes? Humans do that. Like, I don’t actually know that I truly believe in this, but like, That’s my belief system. It’s just been there forever. This is what I’ve been told forever. It’s maybe passed down from my parents or whatever. And I’m just gonna stick with it because that’s what’s there and that’s what’s comfortable.

Yikes, man. And humans love to be consistent. So if you had a belief system in the past or someone told you something in the past and that’s just like what you’ve been operating from since then and now you come across new information that kind of goes against that, it feels more comfortable and normal to dig your heels in with that original belief, even if you have something that clearly goes against that belief and makes you not even really believe the thing that you used to believe.

But yet you want to stick with it because it’s what’s comfortable and it makes you feel like you’re consistent with your word or whatever. [00:28:00] So being psychologically flexible means not doing that. And being psychologically inflexible means doing that. It means sticking with belief systems or ideas or things that you’ve heard in the past just for the sake of the fact that you’ve.

always believed that or it’s always been that way or whatever. Also very fixed mindset oriented language for sure. All right, the last one I have on here is being knocked over by stress. And I know we’ve talked about stress in previous episodes and how your mindset actually makes a really big impact in how you perceive stress.

Or your perception of stress, which is your mindset, makes a really big impact in your ability to cope with stress, to manage stress, to get through stressful situations. And really what we can tie in here is those, are those mindsets around stress and we, when we talk about stress mindset effect and Aaliyah Crum’s work from Stanford, she labels these mindsets as stress as [00:29:00] enhancing or stress is debilitating.

So people usually lean towards one of those, one of those mindsets. And, Really what we can see here and what I’m connecting the dots here for you is that being more psychologically flexible means having a more stress is enhancing mindset. So you can see where stress is actually maybe helpful to you and is not bad all of the time.

Whereas this stress is debilitating type of mindset as it’s called would be more of a hallmark of psychological inflexibility because you can only see stress as a bad thing. That stress. Equals bad. And being more stressed is, is never going to be a good thing. And having stressful situations is something to avoid at all costs.

That is an inflexible way of seeing stress. You can see then how being psychologically inflexible would mean that you can’t cope with stress very well. You get knocked over by stress. Okay, wow, that was a lot and honestly [00:30:00] more than I anticipated, but in general, I just like I want to hammer home how important this is and why it’s important.

We I actually pulled a piece from a 2020 study out of the UK and they found that those who exhibited psychological flexibility. So all this stuff that we’ve been talking about during the pandemic had higher levels of wellbeing, lower anxiety, and overall lower. COVID 19 related distress. So that’s kind of like a really cool recent real world example of how psychological flexibility can help you get through a very uncertain time, right?

And as well as less anxiety and low moods, we can also cope better. Have better relationships. Be proactive instead of reactive. Regulate emotions. Be more resilient in the face of stress. These are all [00:31:00] things that you will get with more psychological flexibility and why it’s so important, why I’m harping on it for this entire episode.

All right, all right, all right, all right. Let’s talk a little bit more. Examples, how to practice, application, the good stuff, the juicy stuff. So I put together a few points here that I think, if you have not been paying full attention during this episode, now is the time to. Now is the time to pay attention, my friends.

So the first thing to do, if you want to practice more psychological flexibility and, you know, receive all of these amazing benefits from it, is to push yourself to point out all of the options in a situation that’s causing you distress. So this will help you break that way of dichotomous thinking that all or nothing, Way of thinking and again, if you want to talk more all or all or nothing thinking, please go listen to that episode next But so we’re thinking about your business, right?[00:32:00] 

You have a slow month and it can be really really easy to immediately Overthink and overworry and think it’s all coming crashing down and like listen, honey I’ve done it before more times. I would like to admit in fact frickin January of every single year No matter how hard I try I try to remember that every January is this way because I have a lot of really, really big expenses in January and obviously we’re starting off a new year so I don’t really have, like, previous months technically to compare to because it’s January, although that is a very inflexible way of thinking, Casey, because technically you can still just look at December, November, October.

Anyway, I’m always in the red. in January because they make so many massive like six month and year long, um, expenses, payments to contractors, things like that. And I’m like the next couple of months, I’m like, okay, like things are going to get better, right? Like, what if this is the year that everything fails?

Like, it’s so stupid, but I really have to do a lot of mindset work around that. And it’s, it’s gotten better over the years for sure. [00:33:00] But that’s just an example of needing to play out all the options and really think like, okay, well, what does this mean quarter to quarter or Over the rest of the year, or also remembering that at the end of the year in December, every single year, I’m like, where can I spend more fricking money because the rest, so much of this, so much of it is going to taxes.

Literally how, why? So I’m over here trying to spend more money where I can invest more to improve my business. Hopefully maybe bring my tax bill down a little bit, but then January rolls around and I’m like pinching pennies. Like that makes no sense, right? So as you can see, what I’m doing right now. is working my way from an inflexible way of thinking to more flexible.

So that’s something that you can do. Um, even if you think about cranky remarks from your kids, your significant others, your mom, whatever, what else is going on in her life that day? If we’re talking about your mom, um, what else is, Maybe causing that person to react [00:34:00] in that way, instead of you just immediately reacting negatively to them because they said something negative to you, take a second, turn on that psychological flexibility, flex it for a second.

Flex the flexibility and think what are the other options here? What else could potentially be going on here besides them just deciding they want to be mean to me today, right? There’s other things. And yes, that person, obviously, like they could probably stand to do some of their own psychological flexibility work too, but you are responsible for your reactions.

Period. End of story. Doesn’t matter what that person did, right? Um, obviously, oh my gosh, things with, like, dating, right? When you don’t get a text back. The whole, like, texting thing just, like, drives me up a wall. Honestly, in general. I would love if we could just, like, go back to the old school. Hey, I’m not gonna talk to you all day, but I will call you tonight.

Like, that would be, honestly, my preference. Anyway, um, we don’t need to talk about my dating preferences. But But [00:35:00] we end up doing that anyway. But with that, if you’re not getting a text back, you’re not hearing back in a timely manner from someone that you’re interested in, and it can be so easy to immediately spiral and just think, oh, well, I must have done something that made them not like me, or something happened here that like now I am pushing them away, or whatever, when that’s the inflexible way of thinking.

And instead, We can move towards more flexibility, maybe they’re just busy, maybe they’re like me and they would prefer not to just like chit chat and text all day long and have more meaningful conversations when it makes sense. Um, and there’s, there’s just a lot more to that. Obviously, if like patterns and stuff start to arise, then you can have a conversation with that person.

But especially when it’s the early stages of dating, and I’m not a relationship coach, I’m not a dating coach, so let’s please not. Get that confused, but using this as an example, because I do know, especially being in that single girls chat, man, how easy it is to go a certain direction and like [00:36:00] glom on to that without seeing all of seeing all of the options.

that are there, that are truly there. There are so many options. Dude could have gotten a car accident that day. He may have had to flee the country because he’s not who he says he was. You can go a lot of different directions and actually get like pretty silly with it, and that actually might help you too.

Inserting humor is always a good thing. Okay, that was the first one, how to practice is just like laying out all of the different options that could be available in a situation rather than just like glomming on, likely over worrying, overthinking in one direction and making assumptions. The next one is to be present, but don’t get consumed.

And presence is obviously, you know, Extremely important for so many reasons, and being more mindful in situations, bringing ourself back down to reality. What is in front of you, not what could be, what happened in the past. What is potentially going to happen in the future? [00:37:00] No, here, aqui, aqui, ahora. Um, I am taking Spanish lessons, so thanks for letting me practice just now.

Um, but keeping in mind that you are, you are not your thoughts. Your thoughts are just thoughts. Sensations are just sensations. You can notice them, name them, be aware of them in the situation, but don’t let them Consume you. This is something that we see a lot, again, in acceptance commitment therapy. The concept that is termed for this is diffusion, not like D I F F, like D E F U S I O N.

Sign me up for the spelling bee. Diffusion. So you’re like diffusing instead of being fused is the way to kind of think about it. If you’re being like fused to your thoughts and you’re seeing them as like, my thoughts are me, then you start feeling a type of way. You have a certain emotional response that then leads to certain behaviors and [00:38:00] actions.

Whereas it can just be, Oh, I’m having this thought. And something I see people do a lot is labeling themselves as certain things like, When you’re talking about anxiety and stress, it’s my stress, my anxiety. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You are you, and you often experience stress. Sometimes you get anxious. It is not something that you want to adopt for yourself.

It is not my anxiety, my stress. Don’t do that to yourself. Because that’s not the case. Those are separate things. Anxious feelings, stressed out feelings. and you. Two different things. So the more you can be present and recognize things, name them, understand them, great. Just don’t get all consumed by it and understand where you can detach.

That detachment is huge. It’s huge. And the last thing I’ll say, last point for practicing psychological flexibility that works really well with what we were just [00:39:00] talking about is getting Objective. What the heck is actually happening? Oh my God. This is, speaking of conversations in the single girls group chat and just like with my friends that are also dating and having to, to play, you know, mindset doctor a lot of the time in these situations, this is something that I am Constantly saying, like, what do you know for sure?

What are the facts that we actually have? What is the information that we have to make decisions off of in this moment? And it is never, ever, ever, ever, the things that are causing the anxiety and the worry. The things that are causing the anxiety and the worry usually are not the actual facts of the situation.

So the more you can get objective and really be that, take that researcher type of lens, like, Oh, let’s gather the data and only allow ourselves to make decisions [00:40:00] and have certain thoughts and emotions. Obviously, again, easier said than done, but based on those facts and that. Data. It’s really hard for me not to say data as a plural word because, fun fact, it actually is, so I really want to say these data, but it sounds funny to the layperson, so I say it incorrectly on purpose, but then I It messes with me.

It just messes with me. So I try to say things like numbers instead of data. It’s, anyway, so get more objective. Remember that the word data is actually plural. Practice your Spanish. And that’s all I have for you guys today. I really do hope you enjoyed this episode on Psychological Flexibility, would love to hear from you, shoot me a DM, leave a review, if you leave a review, we’re giving stuff away every single month, you have to leave a review and then screenshot your review and throw it into the link, there’s a link.

In the show notes, that goes to a form, [00:41:00] and then you are in the running to win a free workshop from me. And at this point in time, this is episode 15, and I think we’ve only had a handful of people actually submit their reviews, so just remember, you can’t just leave the review, unfortunately, because then we don’t know who you are, because they’re usually anonymous.

You do have to put it into that form in order to win. But, that is really truly all I have for you guys today. Thank you so much for tuning in, for listening, for all of your support. It’s been so fun! So fun to chat with you in my DMs when you find an episode really hits for you or something that I’ve said really resonated.

Like, I want to hear those things. So please, please, please do reach out and I will see you next time.