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PODCAST EPISODE

#5: Are You Reacting Based on a Gut Feeling (Instinct) or Trauma Response?

#5: Are You Reacting Based on a Gut Feeling (Instinct) or Trauma Response?

It can be hard to determine if you’re reacting to something because you have a gut feeling or a past event that conditioned you to act that way.

How to spot the difference between instinct/intuition vs. trauma response — when it comes to dieting, dating, and life!

We often confuse trauma responses with our gut feelings, so it’s helpful to get more in tune with your nervous system and differentiate between the two for more conscious decision-making.

In this episode, I share my journey of honing my intuition to differentiate between gut feelings and past conditioning. I share how my dating life has opened my eyes about the two and how I’ve applied these lessons in my professional life as a fitness coach and mindset expert (and how you can apply these things in your own life!).

Disclaimer: While I have a Ph.D. in psychology, I am not a clinical psychologist, I am not a therapist, and I am not a mental health counselor. What I am talking about today is not to heal any trauma that you have, nor is that ever my intention with anything that I do, ever.

When I speak about trauma in this episode, I am referring to “little t” trauma — things that have happened to you in the past, experiences that you’ve had, situations that you’ve endured, people that have been in your life that have left a mark on you.

Episode Highlights

>>(6:11) How I’m trying to hone my intuition and gut feelings and figure out what is guiding me.

>>(7:17) Is it intuition, a gut feeling, or a trauma response?

>>(8:58) The purpose of your gut instinct and intuition.

>>(11:18) When listening to gut feelings leads to growth.

>>(15:24) Past trauma can lead to surprising emotional responses.

>>(16:42) Unintentionally drawing in something I don’t want because of past trauma.

>>(20:24) Determining if something is a trauma response or a gut feeling.

>>(27:19) A key indicator that your current feelings are based on a past event.

>>(31:43) Playing the script to determine if something is intuition or a trauma response.

Listen to the full episode to get my full take on how trauma responses impact our decision-making and how we can hone our intuition and gut feelings.

Click here to listen!

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Episode’s Full Transcript

[00:00:00] Hello, my friends, and welcome back to Not Another Mindset Show. Today, I think, yeah, this is the first episode that is definitely going to be a little bit of a trip into woo woo territory. And so when I say woo woo, I actually, I had a friend recently who I said this to and was not familiar with what I meant by woo woo.

So now I feel like I have to explain it. But when I’m talking about mindset, behavior change, psychology. I’m mainly speaking from an evidence based place, and what I mean by that is that we are essentially deducing what we know from research. It’s, there’s actual scientific findings to support what I’m saying.

And, I do have a [00:01:00] background in research, my PhD was in psychology, so I have a very strong affinity for evidence based practices in science in general. When I say woo woo, I mean Anything related to mindset, manifestation, law of attraction, which we’re going to talk about today, and essentially any merit that it has, right?

And I think that people land in two different camps for the most part. It’s either the scientific, show me the evidence, uh, I don’t believe it unless there’s data to support it type of crowd, very strong in the academic. academic territory. And then there is the other group of people who are very strong in the like, intuition, gut feeling.

I mean, this is also probably where things like astrology, [00:02:00] human design, that type of stuff would land. And is more on the mindset side of things when it’s sort of like, Your feelings and not necessarily based on evidence we’ll say, but you know, those people have a lot of evidence maybe in their own lives.

It’s more anecdotal, I guess, is the best way to put it. Now I’m talking these two different camps. People usually lean towards one versus the other, but there is. a way to kind of intermingle both worlds. And I actually haven’t spent a lot of time talking about my woo woo side on Instagram or really in any other capacity.

I think the only people who I’ve been able to express some of those thoughts in that direction, in that territory, typically are those that are working with me in a closer container, whether it’s a coaching relationship, a mentorship. I’ve definitely brought this up, [00:03:00] um, every once in a while, maybe on like a health mindset coaching certification call where we’re discussing some aspects of client cases, that sort of thing.

Obviously, I, I tend to lean more to the academic and scientific side, and I am often skeptical of many of the statements and claims that are being made by the, the woo woo side of things. That said, I do play in both. spaces. And I also see a lot where they, there are bridges between the two territories.

And it’s not always that one is wrong, one is right. It’s more so how do we find the things that are most beneficial and make the most sense? Like weighing both sides is basically where I come to. So I know the, the title of this episode is How to determine, was that a gut feeling, instinct, or a trauma response?

And first and foremost, I want to be very [00:04:00] clear that although I have a PhD in psychology, I am not a clinical psychologist, I am not a therapist, I am not a mental health counselor. Uh, what I am talking about today is not to heal any trauma that you have, nor is that ever my intention with anything that I do, ever.

And nor am I claiming that. So, when I’m speaking about trauma though, and we’re, we’re mostly, mostly speaking about like little t trauma, not big T trauma, right? So, things that have happened to you in the past, experiences that you’ve had, situations that you’ve endured, people that have been in your life that have left a mark on you.

So, now that you’ve continued forward into your life, those things, situations, People, events, are now showing up in your current life and they’re being triggered by something else that’s happening in the now. So that’s really what I’m [00:05:00] talking about and that doesn’t, you know, people can get very hung up on the, the word choices here.

So when I’m talking about trauma, it could be something for you and it’s really up to you to determine, you know, the, the meaning that you’re assigning to this as I’m explaining the things in this episode. I’m not necessarily saying, like, a clinical diagnosis of, like, PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder, um, and that form of trauma.

However, maybe that is the case for you as I come up with some of, like, these examples and have you work through some of the questions that I’m asking you in this episode. But just know that Whether or not you call it a trauma, and it’s little t or big T trauma that we’re talking about here, experiences in your past will come up again and resurface while you’re experiencing things in the now.

And how those things from the past affect you in the now is important to [00:06:00] understand. So now, now that we’ve laid that entire foundation and groundwork, this is, um, somewhat of a personal topic for me, too. So we’re playing in the woo woo space today, and we’re also playing in, uh, the space that has been a lot of what Dr.

Kasey Jo herself has been working on for the past few years, but a lot, a lot, a lot. in the last year. And I’ve been trying to honestly get better at honing my intuition, honing in on those gut feelings, and not always looking for the logic in everything and trying to constantly make logical sense of everything, which is very hard to do with someone who does have the academic background and is very focused on the data and what does the evidence say and what do we know.

to inform that. So [00:07:00] with me spending more time on this stuff, it’s been imperative, imperative to figure out in certain situations with certain decisions, be them large or small. What is guiding me? Is it this intuition that I’m trying to better understand and listen to, or is it a gut feeling that’s not necessarily coming from intuition, but is, is actually, it’s actually like a traumatic response or conditioning that is being dressed in disguise is?

As a gut feeling or instinct, so that’s something that I’ve had to spend a lot of time working on, and I am constantly asking myself questions in the moment to try to uncover where some of these feelings are actually coming from, and I’ve done this to working with a therapist, so this isn’t just me asking myself questions, um, you know, [00:08:00] people of Um, certain professions.

Well, we’re, we’re talking about coaches. We’re talking about therapists. We’re talking about doctors, anyone, like all those people need people in their lives that do those things too. It’s actually funny at KJO coaching, my health and fitness coaching company, because we are so mindset, psychology, behavior change focused, we do end up attracting people who are from those professions.

And it’s always very interesting to. Be working with people on their behavior change from a health and fitness perspective when they already know so much about psychology and behavior change, but anyway, I digress. First thing I want to get into this is why we have notes because I could just go on so many tangents and if you’ve ever learned from me before, especially in a live capacity where we’re hanging out on a live call.

You know, my ability to, to go down the, the tangential rabbit holes is quite excellent, . So with that said, your gut [00:09:00] instinct and your tuition intuition rather, is really around for one main reason, and this is where can get kind of messy, and that’s why we’re gonna go through this together. That main reason is to ensure your survive survival to keep.

So, yes, listening to your intuition, these gut feelings, is definitely important, but you still need to check the logic behind it. We really, like, the best decisions are born out of logic. Your head, right? Your gut, and also your heart. Um, and that may be like, the most woo woo thing you ever hear me say. But that’s true, right?

We’re trying to weigh all of the things, not live in like, one territory or the other. So, you still need to check the logic, yes. Because many times, the riskiest routes, the routes that [00:10:00] maybe you’re getting a feeling of like, Oh my god, I don’t think I should do this, are actually the routes that produce the greatest reward.

So how, how do you know, right, that your, your gut feeling is not telling you to take, is telling you not to take the leap? Because it’s a bad idea, or just because it’s uncomfortable, or not to invest in a coach because it’s not the right time, or because the experience is just going to present more challenges and more discomfort.

Maybe you feel like you shouldn’t try this new thing, or experience this, this new, like, uncomfortable environment. And you’re thinking your gut is telling you not to do it because it’s just not for you and you should go a different direction, or maybe it’s because there’s a chance that experience won’t turn out the way that you want it to.

And you don’t want to face that potential of it not going the way that [00:11:00] you were hoping it would. So is it your gut feeling or is it really just an indicator that you should do something because it’s uncomfortable? And if there’s any phrase. You will ever hear me say, the most. It is. Discomfort breeds growth.

So, are these un comfy feelings, these feelings that we shouldn’t be doing this thing, really a gut feeling and really trying to tell us not to go down this path? Or is it actually an indicator that we absolutely should frickin do it? That’s where it gets muddy, right? Because there are certain times where you shouldn’t do the thing , where you shouldn’t listen to your gut feeling or your intuition and not go that direction.

Or there may be a gut feeling of like, this is really something I should do and you should follow it. And I think like, um, trying to think of good examples and what’s coming up for me right [00:12:00] now. And this is, this was, this is what’s gonna be so fun about having this podcast. And we’re on, what, this is episode five.

So we’re, we’re just, we are just getting started, um, dating. Is what comes to mind for me, because what I’m, okay, do back up, to preface, um, at this point in time, I’ve been single for almost a year and a half, yeah, like a year and five months, and I have been dating, I’m single and, I’m single and dating, you know, I’m not, you know, going out of my way to find a partner immediately, I’m not putting a ton of time and effort into dating, but as it comes up, as I see fit, I am exploring the opportunity of finding my person.

So, So, in this time, last year and a half or so being single, a lot of this development of honing my intuition and understanding where past conditioning, past [00:13:00] traumas are showing up for me, and dating is such a great mirror in a lot of ways. Gosh, I’m just going to be so open with you guys. This is going to be fun.

Um, I’ve seen a couple guys in the last year and a half for a period of time. I think the, the longest stint of me seeing someone in, since I’ve been single, so this was not, did not turn into a relationship, right? But we were just seeing each other. Semantics, you know. And it was about two and a half months.

And in that situation, I had some Feelings of, I, I really think this could be my person, but then I would also have feelings of like, Maybe not. Maybe not. And I think so often in dating, and like, even on first dates, right, there’s a lot of, I have a gut feeling that this isn’t my person, or like, I have a gut feeling that this could really go somewhere.

And being able to determine a lot of the times If [00:14:00] that’s coming from a place of instinct and something you should listen to in that regard, or if it’s coming from a place of this is attached to something else that’s happened to me in the past or the previous partner, and that’s why I feel this way.

And For me, what I’ve noticed, and have continued to work through, and I’ve definitely, I’m proud of myself. I’ve gotten so much better at so much of this stuff. I’ve, I’ve really, I really, guys, I’ve really grown a lot in the last year and a half. Whether it’s from like a romantic relation perspective or otherwise.

Um, and a big part of that is noticing sometimes, and I know, I know, there are plenty of you Women out there who definitely share this sentiment that sometimes when I am treated well, and I am put on a pedestal to a degree, not like overdoing it, not love bombing. Oh my God, been there, done that. Now understand [00:15:00] that, like, the gut feelings that came with this doesn’t feel right around love bombing definitely was not right.

So we live and we learn. Um, but that was a previous relationship. That has not happened anytime. Honestly, if love bombing starts to happen now, I know when to shut it down. But, okay, anyway. Like maybe I should just have like a separate podcast for, for dating, honestly, at this point. Um, but what I’ve learned is that in case you get to the fricking point, what I’ve learned is that sometimes when something feels off, it’s actually coming from this person treating me well, which sounds honestly sad.

And it, it kind of is because I’ve been in enough situations now where I was not made a priority where someone was not. very direct and clear about how they felt about me. And some of this does. Not to get into the whole childhood trauma space, but some of it does extend from childhood too. Like [00:16:00] those were my first, most important relationships of my life.

And they’re just like, love mom and dad, but there was not a ton of, I love you, I’m so proud of you. There’s, like, you have the world at your fingertips. If you put your effort in and you keep your determination there, like, you’re going to be success. There was just, like, was not a lot of that. Long story short.

Um, not a lot of, like, direct adoration, we’ll put it. And that, what do you know, has also shown up in a lot of my romantic relationships. And it’s not that I want that, right? Like, I’ve become very clear that I would love to be with someone who wants to shout from the rooftops how proud they are to be with me.

But it’s interesting because It feels like some of the people I’ve attracted in my life don’t do that, but that’s what feels comfortable to me because that’s what I’m used to. So something I’ve had to [00:17:00] recognize is when I’m maybe seeing someone, um, for instance, there was a guy recently, we went on, was it four or five dates over the course of like six weeks?

And he was just the f fucking sweetest guy. So sweet and very complimentary, very genuine and very authentic in how he expressed what he thought of me. And I could feel, could feel it, this piece of me that’s like, oh no, we don’t like him. There’s something about this guy that we don’t like. And If I’m being totally honest, I think it’s more so that I just was not comfortable with accepting and receiving that sort of adoration.

The adoration that you say you want so badly, Casey, I know. But that’s how it works. But here’s, here’s the good thing about all of this, is that I was able to recognize it, right? I’m able to notice when that happens and I go, oh, There, there, that thing is again, um, and instead what, you know, a lot of [00:18:00] people in this situation would do is push away compliments or justify certain things like, oh, I’m not really that great or like, if you say so, or like, oh, you don’t really know me that well yet.

I, I would not do that. Essentially keeping myself from doing that and instead receiving, thanking, expressing gratitude, positive reinforcement for the behavior. Um, but I use this as an example because In this case, and I think a lot of women are this way, actually, I spoke to a guy friend, um, recently, too, was talking about how, he was joking, but he was like, women just like actually want to be treated badly, and I don’t think that that’s the case, I think that a lot of women just have not been treated the best, I mean, a lot of men haven’t either, you know, I’m not just, I’m speaking from my own experience as a woman, um, and they’re just more used to not being treated well, and that’s That’s the unfortunate reality.

So is it that [00:19:00] this guy is a bad idea, or is it that he’s just actually, like, emotionally available and actually giving you the things that you need but aren’t used to, right? Um, and it’s not, in that case, gut instinct that this guy was bad for me. It’s just, like, noticing where my conditioning is actually trying to push.

potentially a good opportunity away. So on that note, I actually really did not plan to spend this amount of time talking about my dating life and history and my parents. So, um, I actually am curious though, because this podcast is so new. Literally, if you’re listening to this right now, and you’re like, I really enjoyed hearing that Casey, and I would love for you to spend more time on topics like this and connecting everything with your own personal life.

Do me a favor. Send me a DM on Instagram, reach out to me, email me, do something, tell me that you enjoyed it, and if I don’t hear any of you say anything to me, I’m going to assume that I, this was like too personal for the podcast and I should keep it to myself, so, [00:20:00] if you really did enjoy it, please let me know.

Okay, so, kind of getting us back on track here. What I’ve learned through my own journey working with my therapist, um, Just spending a lot of time here trying to hone intuition versus trauma or conditioning. I would love to hear your own findings if this is something that you feel like you’ve been working on yourself too, but what I have found, how to determine, Is this more of a trauma response, a conditioning type of situation, or is this my gut instinct, is this my intuition, and should I listen?

The first thing is that a trauma response, something that’s coming from conditioning, something that’s related to an experience that you’ve had in your past, is presented often like a lack of stability. It doesn’t really feel like a stable source of information, like an imbalance in a way. [00:21:00] And oftentimes you can get really preoccupied with that as well, to the point where it can be like flooding your body with really heavy emotions.

And you just like, you’re really, really, really feeling it. And it’s not necessarily like a happy feeling either. And You recognize, too, that, like, this is something that’s gonna, that needs to be unpacked or something that I need to spend more time on if you have that self awareness to, to be there. So that’s something for me that I, I’ve noticed that, like, if it is coming from something else, if it’s triggering something else from the past, this sort of more traumatic type of response.

If you can’t tell, I’m having a hard time just using the word trauma because I know so many people use it way too lightly. So, it’s the best. Word I could use for this, but I keep like exchanging it for conditioning.

Um, if you feel like the way that I’m using trauma is not in a politically correct [00:22:00] manner or whatever, I do apologize. I’m trying to do my best, like, understanding that people may hear me say trauma, which is why I was talking about little T versus, um, big T trauma here. But regardless, that’s why I kind of laid the foundation at the beginning.

Um, okay. Stay on track, Casey. Um, okay, so with this, your perceptions and these feelings can be very preoccupying and that’s where I think I’ve, I’ve felt like, oh my god, this feels very triggering, this feels very heavy, it’s something that I am having a hard time shaking. That is likely related to a past experience.

It is not a gut instinct or intuition. Something that I feel is, here’s like, if you’re multitasking, come back to me for a second and listen to this because I think this is so important. Look for when your reactions are disproportionate to the situation itself. [00:23:00] If you’re looking at the situation and you’re like, I got this text message 12 hours after I asked a question and this guy is now, he, it’s making me feel anxious and it’s making me feel like he doesn’t actually like me.

Honey, it’s been 12 hours. He may have taken some time to respond to your text. You have no idea where that is coming from. He really truly could have been busy or maybe he was being more mindful about what he was saying. He may really like you so we want to be careful and what he said back. There’s. You have no idea.

So if your response is like, I’m getting anxious, maybe this isn’t the person for me. Maybe this is my gut instinct telling me this isn’t it. No, it was literally a 12 hour lapse in response time of a text message. And if you’re responding so heavily, that is disproportionate to that 12 hours of non response.

That, to me, tells me that there’s something else attached [00:24:00] there. Maybe some sort of abandonment wound or way that you’ve been treated in the past that is now resurfacing due to this 12 hour lapse in communication with this person. Look for reactions that are disproportionate to the situation. Alright, gut feelings.

instinct. They have a much different feeling. It actually feels pretty good. It’s like this strong sense of clarity or lightness. And here’s the thing, you could experience this in a really shitty time. And so when I tell you, and I have a story for this too, which we’ll get into in a little bit. When I tell you that the feeling of the gut instinct, the intuition, it still feels a sense of clarity and a lightness.

And you probably give not a ton more thought to it and just accept it as fact. That is intuition. That is your gut. That is likely not tied to a [00:25:00] past trauma or conditioning response. Of course, we’re like, I have to say this because things can be intertwined, right? Like, just because you feel this sense of lightness and clarity and you’re like, Okay, I do feel like this is my gut feeling, this is my instinct speaking to me, my intuition right now.

Just because that’s happening doesn’t mean that there also isn’t some tie of trauma or conditioning in that, right? It’s just like we’re trying to tease apart to the best of our ability. It’s like nothing operates in a silo, right? But the story that I have for you is my story when I decided to move to Austin, Texas, which is where I am now.

This is where I call home. I’ve been calling it home for about a year and a half now. Notice how that lines up with being single for a year and a half. Um, and my decision to move to Austin did come after a very sudden and unexpected breakup. [00:26:00] And At the time, I obviously was weighing the decision of like, okay, do I do I stay in Raleigh, North Carolina, where I was living at the time I lived there for eight and a half years?

Or do I go somewhere else? And I, when I tell you I’ve never had a stronger more clear gut feeling, intuition, instinct, what have you, than the pull that I had to go to Austin, Texas. It was honestly, I’m not kidding when I say within 48 hours of this breakup happening, I was already apartment shopping for places in Austin, Texas and telling my friends that lived here that I was coming.

And like, it, it felt like there were no other options. Um, this was the option. There was no other thoughts of like, oh, really, should I, shouldn’t I, I feel like maybe this or I feel like maybe, nope. It was, this feels so right. This feels like the direction I need to go. And it was during a time that was very [00:27:00] dark, it, it felt like light.

And again, like this is, this is. Casey getting very woo woo with you guys, but it was a very important experience for me to have, especially during a time when I was already trying to work on honing in on my intuition even further. So on that note, something that I just like mentioned briefly is that a key indication that you might be attaching your current feelings to a previous like wound or experience is that it’s coming from this place of like, I feel like This isn’t meant for me, or I feel like this isn’t the direction I shouldn’t go.

Gut feelings, instincts, come with a very steadfast knowing. Like in that situation with me moving to Austin. It was not like a It was not a, I feel like I should do this. It was, I really know that this is the right move for me. I know that this is the direction I want to go. It’s, it’s [00:28:00] very sudden. I had tons of people in my life telling me to, like, pump the brakes and think about it for a little bit.

Like, you’re going through a pretty intense situation. Like, maybe let’s not make any impulsive decisions, Gacy. But I just knew. And I didn’t weigh the opinions of other people. I didn’t care about what other people thought. And not from a place of like, I’m going to do whatever I want, even if you have a different opinion.

But more so like, when If you are triggered and it’s coming from a potentially, like, traumatic place, you may really feel a strong desire to get validation from others and to fact check, fact check, to really dissect the situation. If you’re doing all of those things, it’s likely not gut feeling, instinct, intuition type of thing.

Territory. And I noticed that I was not doing that at all. It wasn’t a, Hey, do you think I should do this? Like running it by friends, family, whatever it was. No, I know [00:29:00] I need to do this as much as like maybe some people don’t think I should. Your gut feelings tend to be more of like the voice on your shoulder presenting like a rational truth that you feel is really solid in your own information.

You feel very at ease with it. You don’t really feel like you need to seek information from other sources in order to solidify your decision. And that’s exactly what it felt like. For me, which is it was very interesting to navigate in general. Um, that relationship ending was obviously super sad was not something that I was intending to do.

We had just like moved into a house together that we built and all of this, like, it really felt like things were on track. But when that relationship ended and so suddenly without a lot of previous discussions, um, [00:30:00] It felt like, I had the same gut feeling there too, not just with the move to Austin, but like, that this is not a relationship that I want to be with, in, if it is ending this way, if that makes sense.

So it was, A very tumultuous, sad time, but at the same time, I was doing so well, and I think anyone that you speak to is a very close friend of mine who was there with me through this would say the same thing, that I’m handling it so well, but I think it’s because I really was leaning on him. these uplifting, lighter, brighter feelings that stemmed from my intuition of this is the path.

You’re going to Austin. You’re not going to be with this person anymore, and it’s going to be okay. And this is actually going to be very good for you. And I was very much leaning into that. And this is where I kind of like the woo woo stuff from a mindset perspective and a scientific perspective and a [00:31:00] growth mindset perspective because so much of that, so much of my feelings of knowing that things can change, I can change, I can improve, I can develop, things can continuously get better, life is only getting better, that is a very growth mindset perspective to have.

It’s almost like my intuition, my gut feelings at this time were Joining forces with my growth mindset, and it just ended up being a, a dark time that came with a lot of good, and I think I’ll leave that at that. So, another thing that I really like to use here, um, when it comes to, like, just in general determining what direction to go.

Because you may be sitting here thinking, is this. My gut feeling or is this something I should be worried about because it’s attached to about [00:32:00] a negative experience in the past What should I do? You know, should I should I send this text message or not? Should I make this business decision or not?

Should I hire this person or not? Should I move forward with creating this offer or not and weighing the like what feels good to me versus what makes Logical sense versus you know, there’s there’s so many things to weigh What I think can be really helpful instead of like trying to sit here and just dissect is this my intuition and I should do it or is this a traumatic response and I should not do it like instead of doing that, play out the script is what I call it.

So take Every decision that is presented in front of you, every pathway for said decision and play out the script in every direction. So what that could look like, you know, we’re talking about dating and stuff like that. So like you’re like, okay, let’s go back to the example of the guy who didn’t respond to you for 12 hours.

Calm down. First of all, I’m just kidding. What you can do with this is like during that 12 hour span, you may have felt like, [00:33:00] Oh, maybe I should reach out again, or you’re not really sure what you should do or like. It’s maybe it’s been longer. It’s been a couple days now. Is it your turn to reach out or should you just keep waiting?

Play out the script. If you send a text message, number one, what is it going to say? And what are all of the options for how it could go? He could respond favorably. He could respond not at all or ever again, literally leave you on read for the rest of your life. Those who are dating, you know that this is a very real possibility.

Or he could respond in a way that is negative. Maybe he does come back and say, Hey, I’m actually not interested. And there could be a couple other options in between there, right? But those are probably the three that come to mind to me first and foremost, and most like obviously. If he says, The first thing, the second thing, or the third thing, how are you going to feel in response to those things?

Favorably, he ghosts you, or he says something negative. Or at least, like, something, like, not favorable, I should say, not necessarily negative. It could be, he could also [00:34:00] say something negative, too. Um, but anyway, depending on his response, how are you going to feel? What is that going to mean for you going forward?

Is it going to add or subtract from your life? What does this mean for you in the next week, in the next month? How is it going to impact how you’re feeling about yourself? All of it. Play out the script. How are you going to respond, to feel, behave? Et cetera, based on any one of these responses. And then from there, you should get a pretty clear picture on what you should do.

And obviously one of those options is to not send the text message at all and just to like remain in silence. So once you’ve played out the script, you may have come to the determination that you sending that text message is probably not going to lead to you feeling any better. Unless he says something favorable, right?

But there’s only a, what did we put, like four, like 25 percent chance out of the four. I mean, you may have a better idea because you may know this person, but you [00:35:00] get what I’m saying. Back to me being like logical and using numbers and percentages to describe this stuff. So you may just decide, you know, I’m better off just not sending the message, maybe at least for the next few days.

And then after that, I will re approach this topic. Um, or it might be worth it to you. I might say, like, in any of these situations, I actually feel like I have a pretty good handle on the situation and I’m not going to feel too terribly no matter what I get back from him. So then maybe just fucking send it.

Literally and figuratively. So I like that. I like to use this also with clients who are, we’re talking about like health and fitness coaching clients who are trying to determine if they want another drink in certain situations or, um, what they’re going to order for dinner, that sort of thing, like how it’s going to make them feel the next day or just later on in the evening, what that means, like sending them up for their coming week.

Um, and just like spending more time with playing out the script and whatever. Directions are available to you to help you make a decision, make, [00:36:00] uh, make the best decision, really. Of course, also noting that we can’t predict the future, but this is, I feel like this is gonna, can kind of help you get to the, to the closest amount of predicting the future in a way.

Just like spending more time. Thinking about all of the different options in the future, right? Like, one of them you’re probably going to land pretty close to, and at least this way now you have prepared yourself and you’ve spent some time thinking about what that’s going to look like so there are no surprises.

And so you don’t send that text message and then realize that you hurt your own feelings, right? Because we knew it was going to happen. You may still hurt your own feelings, but at least this time you’re a little bit more prepared for it. Okay, I feel like I spoke about a lot. We went in a lot of different directions.

in this podcast episode. And I want to, again, make it clear that although this is something that I spend a lot of time, not a lot of time, but it is part of what I’ve done with clients from a health and fitness coaching perspective. What I do [00:37:00] with students in HMCC, mentorship clients is probably where I spend the most time working through this stuff with them.

I I’m not a therapist. I’m not saying I have the ability to heal trauma or help people work through their traumatic experiences. Everything I presented here is simply coming from a place of my own experience, what I’ve learned working with my own therapist, spending a lot of time with my own thoughts, and I hope it was helpful.

I’m excited to bring more stories and anecdotal findings from my own life. Um, call this, yeah, the, the woo woo side of Casey, if you will, or just generally like sharing real shit from my real life, um, which is kind of what I was hoping to do with this podcast in addition to the usual science backed content, which I Hold so dearly to my heart and I is so, so, so important as well.

But like I said, we’re gonna have fun here too. And I think, obviously science is fun. [00:38:00] Science is really fun, but it’s even funner when we get to bridge the gap between this, the, the woowoo law of attraction type of space and also the, the science backed, evidenced. academia type of space as well. So bridging the gaps or that’s where that’s where it’s the most fun.

Um, but anyway, as I said earlier, I would really, really love to hear from you guys, especially about this episode. This is the first one. Granted, it’s only the fifth one where I’ve spent more time. divulging pieces of my personal life. And, um, I really hope in general, this episode is helpful. Like, obviously the reason I’m here is to provide you with value and to walk away and feel like you got something out of this.

And the time that you just spent with me was worth it. Like if that’s, that’s why I’m here, but. Please let me know if me sharing this type of stuff, too, is actually helpful for you and it’s [00:39:00] something that you, if anything, if it’s something that you enjoy, you’re at least entertained by for the last, like, 20 to 30 minutes, however long this was.

Okay, I’m gonna stop yabbing because I just end up talking in circles. I appreciate you so much and I’ll see you next time.

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