We need to learn how to recognize that this is really just a helpful alert system, but it doesn’t need to mean anything else. We are the ones who ultimately are assigning meaning to the fact that because something is going isn’t going well, because it’s making me feel bad, because it’s challenging, whatever.

That means something about me or that means something about how the situation is going to shape up. Hello my friends, and welcome back to not another Mindset show. I’m your host, Dr. Kasey Jo. My goal with this podcast is to take the science of mindset and behavior change and distill it down to actionable takeaways for you.

Together we’re gonna unpack research around motivations, self-sabotage, willpower, and so much more, and we’re going to take all of that. Translate it into strategies you can immediately apply to your health, fitness, relationships, business, marketing clients, all of the things. But just to be clear, it’s not all serious and sciencey around here.

We’re gonna have a ton of fun too, and I’m so excited to share all of this with you. Alright, let’s go ahead and get into the episode. It’s to not another mindset show. Today’s episode, man, so many of my episodes. Are born out of ideas and conversations and questions and so much goodness that comes from my people.

And my people are my business mentorship clients, my students inside the Health Mindset Coaching certification. It really, I am never running out of ideas. All I have to do is just have conversations with the amazing coaches and business owners that I get to work with, and this. Specific episode came out of a conversation that I was having with one of my business mentorship clients.

Um, shout out to Brooks if you’re listening to this, and she very well might be. And we were talking about negative thought spirals and how we make things mean, what they don’t really need to mean, but also why it happens. And if you can better understand why it’s happening and where those thoughts and feelings are coming from, you will be.

So much better off, and we just do and think and feel. A lot of things that we don’t realize is actually stemming from a biological, protective mechanism. It’s there for a reason. It is there to help us, but it can cause a lot of distress psychologically, and then bleed over into other areas of our lives.

So. Really, there’s a lot of ways that our brains are trying to keep us safe and survive and reproduce and all of the things that as humans really need to do at a very, very base, very basic level, but can backfire if we don’t know how to manage it appropriately. So the point of this episode is to help you become more aware of some of those things and what’s going on and.

Ultimately, maybe even appreciate why your brain is doing that, but don’t let it run your life. That’s the goal here. So I’m gonna walk through some of what I feel like are the, the most common, I was gonna say like biological pitfalls, but again, it’s, it’s a innate thing and thing that we do and way that we think for a good reason.

But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t come with some psychological distress. So I would love for you to really think about where this stuff shows up for you and in your life, and ultimately how you can maybe start to reframe some things to live an even better life. Man, that sounded kind of cheesy, but really, really that is the point.

That’s what we’re, that. Level of impact is what we’re trying to do with this episode. Okay, so this first conversation, I have some notes written down about the, the negative thought spirals with my business mentorship client and how we’re so quick to call it bad, right? I think we were talking about she was.

Going through like a promotion or a launch for her coaching business and just talking about how her brain is so quick to go to this place of, well, what if it all fails? Or what if I’m doing something wrong or I’m trying to get ahead of all of these mistakes and how she reached out to me and was like, this is, this is not good that I’m thinking this way, and I know I shouldn’t be thinking this way.

And I reminded her that there’s a reason her brain is doing that. There’s a reason that she’s. In this negative thoughts spiral right now. ’cause her brain’s going like, Mayday mayday, this isn’t going the way that we want it to. We gotta do something about it. Otherwise it’s gonna fail. Or maybe we should just back out, or maybe we should stop.

Like be careful. So her brain and our brains do this a lot. When something feels really challenging or we’re on the brink of what could be a really bad thing, or we’re really going through it, our brains start to go to this place of well. Maybe it’s because I’m not cut out for this. I’m not good enough.

It shouldn’t be so hard. Why me? What’s wrong with me? Because this is so hard for me, and we need to learn how to recognize that. This is really just a helpful alert system. But it doesn’t need to mean anything else. We are the ones who ultimately are assigning meaning to the fact that because something is going isn’t going well, because it’s making me feel bad, because it’s challenging, whatever that means, something about me or that means something about how the situation is going to shape up.

And rather than feeding into that and assigning meaning to it, or even worse, giving up. We really just need to think about where it’s actually coming from. So I know easier said than done, but to have situations like this, and I’ve been in plenty of situations like this where things are not going to plan, things are not going well, and I get in my head about why am I still in this place?

This should be going better. I should know better. I’ve been doing this for such a long time, blah, blah, blah. What’s wrong with me? I stop myself and think. What evidence do I actually have that, that any of that is true, just because things currently don’t feel like they’re going that well. Number one, I don’t know the outcome yet, and number two, just because I’m comparing maybe past successes or the ease of things in the past has nothing to do with me as a person, me as a business owner, my skill level.

I can thank my thoughts for protecting me and helping me stay aware that I’m recognizing that things aren’t going as well as they should have. But that doesn’t mean I need to pull out, give up, end it, change things entirely, which is what we often want to do in those situations, or again, make it mean something negative about my capabilities or who I am as a person.

So that’s a big one. Those negative thoughts, spirals. See where you can catch yourself and think biologically, why am I thinking this way? Oh, because my brain is trying to keep me safe. It’s trying to protect me. It’s trying to send off all of these alerts, but then I don’t need to turn it into something that it’s not.

The next one is somewhat similar, is just the fear of the unknown and uncertainty. We have a natural caution towards unfamiliar situations. I mean, this helped early humans. Our great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandparents. Stay alive. Right? Stay away from potential dangers.

If something feels. Uncertain. It’s probably unsafe and we should stay away from it. Sort of the idea of yeah, what what’s familiar is safe, right? And we all know that there’s a lot of untruth in that phrase. What’s familiar is safe. I mean, you could take that so many different directions. Familiar doesn’t actually always mean safe.

I mean, actually. My last podcast that I recorded was a q and a episode. Someone had asked about making a career change and how it feels safe and stable and secure in her corporate job, but we could poke holes in that all day, right? We’ve seen it many times where there’s been layoffs and people have lost their jobs when they were even important people in the company because the company decided to go a different direction, right?

It may feel safe because it’s familiar and it’s somewhere you’ve been for a long time. Or same can go for relationships. Oh my goodness. So we can poke holes in that all day. Um, and we know that this fear of the unknown or uncertainty can ultimately just keep you from. New experiences can prevent you from exploring new opportunities.

It can put a damper on creative thinking or thinking outside the box. I’m just thinking about people who have Yeah, like invented new ways of doing things. Um, my brother is in this, the way my brain goes this direction, my brother works in the cryptocurrency space, um, like. Bitcoin in Ethereum and all of these different alternative monetary ways of being very outside of the box thinking, not familiar, not safe, very volatile, but people are doing very, very well in that space.

Right? And there’s a lot of uncertainty and risk taking involved and a lot of people aren’t doing well. But there’s always that other side of the coin is basically what I’m getting at. So biologically, this is protective, and I’m sure it has protected you. Even today, we don’t need to go back to our great, great, great ancestors.

And there’s been situations where, oh, this doesn’t really feel familiar to me, so I probably shouldn’t go this direction, dive into this thing, whatever. But I would say more often than not, it’s the other way around. So. A survival instinct that certainly backfires a lot of the time. So I would love for you to think about maybe where in your life right now, or where in your life in the past, you have noticed this instinct to avoid the uncertain, to avoid the unfamiliar, when the reality is if you would’ve leaned into something and taken that risk.

It would’ve done something for you or there’s something in front of you right now that you’re recognizing. I think it’s too, since I’m talking to a lot of health and fitness coaches here to think about this stuff. Also for your clients, like how often. It’s new for them. It’s unfamiliar, it’s uncertain to dive into a coaching relationship, to try different methods for nutrition and training and going to the gym for the first time and doing your first, or even, not even your first, but adding more weight to the barbell for your back squats.

How we can actually have this kind of discussion with our clients and talk about. Um, that our brains are gonna tell us, no, no, no, don’t do this. Don’t sign up to work with me. This could work as some really good like sales call conversations, honestly, that our brains are gonna try to tell us no, but that’s okay.

It’s just your brain trying to protect you from something that’s unfamiliar that can make it kind of feel like it’s unsafe. But the reality is we could, again, poke holes in that argument all the time, like how many times? Has something felt new and uncertain, but really it’s good for us. Right? The other big one I have is, oh man, the need for approval from others.

This is the way that our brains have developed. Once again, we have the need to be socially accepted because. Our survival depended on it for a long time, and honestly, it still does to this day. There is countless, countless, countless research studies out there showing how important it is to have social support, and literal years can be added onto your life if you have more close relationships throughout your life.

So it was crucial for survival because. Being part of a group meant protection and access to resources. And again, like that’s still the case a lot of the time, right? So, however, the constant desire for approval from others can, obviously backfire, can lead to anxiety. I mean, in, we can think even more, more severe cases like.

I mean, this could be severe or not, but public speaking, that is often a fear. I, I actually wanna say it’s like one of the top fears, if not the top. The topes. The topes fear of people is speaking in front of others and it stems from this need for approval and that stems from this survival instinct that we need to be accepted by other people.

Liked by other people, because that’s how we live. That’s how we stay alive, right? So we can see how this all just kind of like boils back down to these biological instincts that we have. Um, believe it or not, I do. I’m gonna say I don’t, I know I no longer have a fear of public speaking. I did for a really long time.

I actually had a pretty, well, this is a vulnerable share. Only a handful of people know this. Um. I had a pretty like traumatizing, truly experience. I think it was in sixth grade when I was doing a presentation and I totally, totally locked up, couldn’t speak, had to like. End the presentation early. I remember my friends coming over to me and being like, are you okay?

Like I can, I can tell you what the classroom looks like. And yeah, I was sixth grade. I don’t, how old are we in sixth grade? Probably depends on like where you’re at in the world. But, um, anyway, I was very young, like 14 thir, no. Maybe like 12. Yeah. 12, 13, 14, somewhere in that range. It does not, does not matter.

Um, but the fact of the matter is that I’m now 32 and I can still vividly remember it and it kept me from a lot of opportunities and things in the future. ’cause I was so scared that something like that was going to happen again. Um, obviously with my. Shiny growth mindset. Uh, I continue to lean into that fear and practice more and get better at it.

And I, I love speaking on stage. I love speaking in front of people. I mean, it’s also really lovely to see, especially given that this had been my experience. When we have students who raise their hand on health mindset coaching certification, like live discussion calls, we’ll have between. 30 and 70 people on these calls, and they’ll come up and be like, I’m so nervous to speak right now.

And I’m like, Ugh. You don’t realize how much that is. Like, I can feel it, I can feel it. Um, anyway, that all stems from biology, right? And I, I couldn’t tell you why I had that experience. ’cause prior to that I loved speaking in front of people and presenting and doing all of that. And I, something about being a middle school girl, just.

Really, really messed all that up. So, yeah. What else? Um, putting yourself out there selling, talking to you who doesn’t wanna get on their Instagram stories and talk and sell your offer, and then you’re wondering why you’re not getting any client applications right. Um, yeah. Posting on social media, even, even if it’s just, you know, a carousel deck, like, who’s gonna see this?

What are they gonna say? Am I speaking correctly? Am I speaking smart enough? Whatever that looks like, um, can show up as generally just like low self-esteem, like you’re not seeing your own self-worth compared to other people. Um, or like a tendency to prioritize other people’s opinions over your own.

Personal values and desires, which when we’re doing that, can really hinder your personal authenticity or honestly your personal fulfillment. If you’re just kind of living by what you think other people want to see from you, what’s, what’s correct by society standards or social norms. So yeah, we have this need.

For approval from other people because it’s been planted in our brain forever. Because if we’re approved by others and we’re seen as worthy by other people, we had resources and protection and we could survive. So it makes sense is what I’m getting at. But we can see where it can cause a lot of psychological distress and can bleed into other areas of our lives and rob us of opportunities and.

Money and fulfillment. So if this is resonating for you and you notice that this is happening, the more you can sit with that fact of like, okay, this is my brain protecting me. There’s a reason I’m seeking this. There’s a reason that I’m doing this. That doesn’t mean I need to act from it. I can still do something different.

I’m, I’m safe. This is not going to impact my ability to survive today. And really just kind of like try to reel it back in and get your feet on the ground in reality. So again, with all of this stuff, the most important point to make here is that there’s nothing wrong of you. You can’t really necessarily wish this stuff away.

There’s a lot of really good things that come from that. I mean, the same reason we’re looking for approval from other people is also supporting us to make friendships and connect with others and find our tribe in the 21st century. Right. So, yeah, although we’re quick to conform. To fit in versus stand out and risk me an outcast.

Like there’s, there’s a lot of good that comes from being different and showing up differently. And people will also see that as brave a lot of time. ’cause we all feel this, we all have that biological instinct to conform and to fit in and to get approval. So if we see someone else going, Hey, I know that this is not the way that people normally think, or I’m saying the thing that.

No one else wants to say, but I think it’s important People will see that as brave. They will listen to you because they also, they understand because this is a human mechanism that we all have. So that’s a way to kinda like spin it too, is to recognize that because everyone is experiencing these things.

I mean, I have one of my closest, um, guy friends is definitely. Does this a lot on social media and kind of like says the things that you’re like, oh, you’re not really supposed to say those things. Um, but then you’re people are in the comment section going, yeah, dude. Like, that’s so true though. It’s so true.

Thank you for saying it. You know, so you could definitely leverage it in the other direction and understand that people will, will hear you. You may still, you know, get some hate here and there, people who don’t agree with you, but. So what, so what, um, that’s like a different conversation for a different time.

Um, so anyway, I would, again, encouraging you to really think where this stuff is showing up for you. Which one sticks out to you the most? Maybe all of them do. And maybe we do like a little bit of a thought exercise with this. How would things look differently if any of these anxious feelings related to negative thought spirals need for approval from others, fear of the unknown, or uncertainty?

How would things look differently if it just poof went away? What if that were all to magically disappear? What would you do? What would you say, how would you think differently about yourself, about your capabilities? What would your life look like? What kind of opportunities or life advancements would that get you if you could just magically poof everything away?

Magically poof things away? Unfortunately, I do not have a magic spell for you to wish these things away, but. You can reframe these things, and that really is some kind of like magic of your own, because ultimately what you make things mean is what’s going to shift the way you think about it, the way that you operate, the things that you do, the choices that you make, the decisions that you make.

So try to catch these thoughts or feelings and pinpoint that biological mechanism, like really just like the most simple question. Hmm, why am I feeling this way? Where did that come from? Could this have anything to do with just how my brain is wired and how it’s trying to protect me? Think your brain for what it’s trying to do for you, and then refocus on the 21st century situation at hand.

I know, again, easier said than done, but speaking from experience, obviously I even shared, um, a very specific experience in my life. The more you do this and the more you recognize where things are really stemming from and where it’s coming from and reframing it in the moment. That refocusing and reframing process will get easier and easier with time.

And again for the coaches out there. Really think about how some of this stuff. Maybe impacting your clients as well. And as much as we wanna be quick to like, why are they doing this? Or why are they thinking this way? Or why can’t they just stick to the plan? It’s like, okay, well what, why are they, why are they saying this about themselves?

Why do they think that they’re not capable? Like, where could this be coming from biologically? Because having this conversation that I just had with you could be a really powerful one to have with your clients as well. And I hope you do that, and I hope this was helpful. For you in your own life and anything else that’s coming up.

And please let me know. Please let me know. Reach out on Instagram, come find me. Come tell me. It literally makes my entire day, week, month, year, when you guys reach out and let me know specific podcast episodes that resonated with you so we can have discussions about it behind the scenes. And then you give me more ideas and more things to go off as well.

And maybe something came up for you and you’re like, I would really love to hear more about that. Or like, Hey. You didn’t mention this thing, but I feel like it’s related. What do you think about that? Like pop it into my Instagram. I could potentially do an episode on it. Remember, this podcast is for you guys.

It really is. Um, throw it into the podcast q and a form. It’s in the description of every single episode. You can throw your questions in there. You can remain anonymous. You can tell me who you are, whatever you wanna do. Um. Yeah, just let me know. And that is all I have for you, my friends. I’ll see you next time.

And that’s a wrap for today’s episode of Not Another Mindset show. If you enjoyed today’s episode, don’t forget to hit that subscribe button so you get notified of the next one, because if you’re anything like me, if the episodes aren’t popping up for you automatically, you’ll keep forgetting to come back to the show even if you really, really enjoyed it.

So go ahead and hit that subscribe button and make it super easy for you. And of course. If you wanna see more episodes just like this one, I’d love for you to let me know by leaving a review. I know, I know it’s super annoying to do, but the few seconds that it takes means the world to me and also ensures that I can keep providing free education and value to you.

And just to sweeten the deal, I am going to be picking a random reviewer every single month to receive a free workshop or product from me if you’re looking for more free resources. Or just wanna connect, hang out, chat a little bit. Come find me on Instagram. I’m Coach Kasey Jo over there. That is where I hang out the most in the land of social media.

Alright, my friends, that is all I have for you this time. I so appreciate you being here and love to see you prioritizing your growth. I’ll see you next time.